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Ugh, I just haven't been in the mood for poetry lately. Readers really have no idea how difficult it is for me to piece together poetry; it's not like writing a novel. It's a lot harder, because you have to compress your thoughts into specific meter, rhythm, or rhyme. It drives me absolutely insane. Still, I have to at least keep trying, I know this... I just can't seem to gather the mental energy.

Current Mood: blah

It is the Springtime of our lives,
when we are born into this world.
New adventures, new places to see,
like a new flower coming unfurled.

It is the Summer of our lives,
having fun with all of our friends.
Meet new people, discover ourselves,
moments we never want to see end.

It is the Autumn of our lives,
when we settle into maturity.
Family, wife, and children,
make Summer fade to obscurity.

It is the Winter of our lives,
when we feel the most alone.
Our life has been and gone,
but our death we cannot postpone.

No matter the Season of our lives,
each day must be lived to the full.
Take nothing for granted, dear friend,
follow joy and love's insistent pull.

Current Mood: indescribable

Book
Covered, bound
Waiting, lying, expecting
Stories all await reading
Novel

Current Mood: sleepy

This is a work of fiction based on a character I role-play in the popular MMORPG, World of Warcraft. All the rights to the World of Warcraft names and locations are property of Blizzard Entertainment. All intellectual rights to the character concept and story are property of me.

( Courtesy cut for long story... )

Current Mood: thoughtful

I was recently asked by fellow Dreamer

whitemage to write up a little workshop of my recent sestina self-challenge. So, here we are!

First off, we'll start with the basic formology of the sestina. Please, keep in mind I am neither an English professional nor am I any poet of renown. These should be taken as reference only, written from the perspective of one writer. If there is an error in this formology, please seek alternative, professional resources rather than nit-picking my one, paltry post on the internet. ^_^ However, if you have genuine questions or comments, please feel free to leave a comment.

That being said, on with the show!

( Courtesy Cut: Click to continue... )

Current Mood: productive

( Author's Notes )

Violence and fear
Loathing and hate
A small trapped animal
Lying in wait

Each blow is struck
Each blow is pain
Vengeance is certain
Blood is a stain

His words are poison
His words are agony
Can't listen, can't hear
Just want to be free

Can't take anymore
Can't take this life
He drinks and he rages
Causing eternal strife

Won't live this way
Won't live at all
He beats and he kicks
Until barely I crawl

Blood stains the wall
Blood stains the floor
I tried to leave
I couldn't take anymore

I couldn't believe it
I couldn't draw breath
Never thought that our love
Would have ended in death

I see so clearly
I see so much
No life worth living
Without love's sweet touch

Death comes so easily
Death comes so quick
It came at his hands
It makes me feel sick

I no longer see him
I no longer care
He'll live life without me
As if I were never there

The ghost in the mirror
The ghost in the hall
Will anyone miss me?
Or remember me at all?

Current Mood: tired

( Author's Notes )

War of the Soul
A Writer's Sestina

My confidence destroyed, my dreams shatter
I gave way to hopelessness that drowned.
My thoughts all turned to despair and dismay,
never holding to hope that I could win free
of this self-defeat that now loomed above
me with its talons of disquiet and gloom.

Yet, I cannot give in to silent gloom
nor can I allow my heart to shatter.
I must find the strength within or above
else watch as all I hold dear is drowned.
Never! I struggle again to be free!
I will not lend my spirit to dismay!

Sending a prayer to Powers above
may they help me surmount all this dismay,
buoy my heart so hope is not drowned,
forever banish sad, weeping gloom.
May these chains that bind creativity shatter!
May imagination always roam free!

Superfluous ghosts of bygone dismay
linger half-heartedly soothsaying gloom,
too late now that my spirit's broken free.
There is nothing for heartache to shatter,
this chimera of disconsolation drowned,
in this my eleventh hour. Rise above!

I fight back and cry out, "Death from above!"
like knight versus dragon, combat dismay.
My creativity will no more be drowned,
imagination not fogged by gloom.
Glass shards of disheartenment now shatter.
Exhilaration of a mind now free!

I no longer fear being drowned,
revelations of a spirit that's free,
Excommunicated Stygian gloom.
Sunshine is bright from blue skies far above,
fields of flowers bloom, perplexing dismay,
a soul in high summer cannot shatter.

No longer drowned, thank my God above,
eternally free from shaded dismay,
gloom is a mirror I can shatter.

Current Mood: accomplished

My life is a cage, against the bars I slam,
Listening as others decide who I really am.
I am not me, myself, and I
I've bade them all a cheerless good-bye

I've given in to rumors, everything that "they said",
Negativity stockpiled, overfilling my head
Until I no longer recognize my reflection
My spirit has fled, what loathsome defection!

I'm a husk, a faded painting, a memory at best
I've laid who I am down to eternal rest
In a world where society decides who we are
Fat or thin, smart or dumb, normal or superstar

From this cage there is no single escape
I sit in the corner, staring numbly, mouth agape
Completely lost from who I used to be
Yet, I've no one to blame, not anyone but me.

It's the first day of our lives
The moment of birth
It's the first day of walking
And proving our worth

It's the first day of kindergarten
New faces and names
It's the first day of practice
Be it sports or just games

It's our first prom
Or maybe first date
It's our first graduation
Oh, don't be late

It's our first wedding
A memorable day
It's our first baby
New life on the way

It's life and its moments
Not losing or winning
Cherish each memory
And each new beginning

Current Mood: energetic

It's the warmth of a sunny afternoon
It's the sound of an old, familiar tune
It's the comfort of a loving embrace
It's the reminder of both dignity and grace

It's the feel of soft linen on your skin
It's the thrum of a heartbeat from deep within
It's the wonder of both heaven and earth
It's the appreciation of all that we're worth

It's the touch of a firm, guiding hand
It's the sound of a voice in praise or reprimand
It's the feeling of being blessed from above
All these and more encompass our mother's love.

Current Mood: creative

You hurt me more than anyone needs to know
Don't comfort me, I just want to see you go
I won't try to stop you, just hurry away
Before I crumble and ask you to stay.

Forget me and the day we met
I'm lost to you; it's time for you to forget
Please, just leave me, our love is now through
Go where you want to, there's nothing to prove.

You hurt me more than anyone needs to know
Don't comfort me, I just want to see you go
Take everything with you, leave nothing behind
I want to forget you, get you out of my mind.

Forget me and everything we said
I'm lost to you, I've got no more tears to shed
Please, just leave me, I no longer want you
Find someone else and take your dog with you too.

You hurt me more than anyone needs to know
Don't comfort me, I gave up on us long ago
There's no more between us, the damage is done
I'm broken, I'm battered, this war you have won.

You hurt me more than anyone needs to know
Don't comfort me, I just want to see you go

You hurt me...

Current Mood: tired

I walked along a riverbank,
Listening to the water's song.
It bubbled happily down the rocks,
A waterfall roared loud and long.

I watched an otter family,
Playing in the current.
It was funny just to watch them,
I was amused and they weren't.

I smelled the fresh autumn air,
Crisp and clear and cold.
Nature's splendor, undisturbed,
For days and years untold.

I tasted a shiny, wild red apple
That grew from a lonely tree.
It tasted sweet, dripping juice
Completely preservative free.

I probed the grass beneath my toes,
Prickly and tickly too.
It reminded me of things I'd lost,
Like free time, long overdue.

I wondered how I chanced to miss
This subtle understanding
That my days were all too full
A life lived too demanding.

I felt suddenly empty
That life had passed me by
One so rich and full of zest
It made me want to cry.

I made a vow, then and there
To slow down and relax
Appreciate all life has to offer
And enjoy it all to the max.

Current Mood: hungry

"Speak no evil" is an old turn of phrase
Everyone's known since childhood
People deserve our encouragement and praise
To hear all we might say that is good.

"Hear no evil" speaks to both me and you
Warning us against others' harsh words
If someone says it, doesn't mean that it's true
And such ugliness should just go unheard.

"See no evil" is for each one perspective
Don't sit back watch things unfold
These things that are bad, disrepsective
Don't let your soul so cheaply be sold.

Although these are words from bygone days
They still hold quite true today
There are always better, happier ways
Perhaps some not quite so cliche.

Current Mood: tired

You've seen me on the street
At least a hundred times
You've never given me a glance
Or even tossed me a dime.

You've walked by me, unseeing,
Just rushing by on your way
Unthinking, uncaring, unwilling
To let anything disturb your day.

You've eaten in a restaurant,
While hungrily I watch.
Heedless of your own largesse,
You tighten your belt a notch.

Who am I, you'll never wonder,
Because I'm not worth the note.
I'm just a skinny stray dog,
With a dingy, matted coat.

I could wish for food to eat,
I could freely wander and roam.
Yet all I really want in life
Is a single place I can call home.

Current Mood: creative

It's like no one is listening
It's like no one is home
Yet, there people surround me
And I feel so all alone.

It's like no one even sees me
It's like no one even cares
Yet, when I begin my crying
I can feel their pitying stares.

It's like no one dares to bother
It's like no one dares ask
Yet, how can they feel concern
When I hide behind an eternal mask?

Current Mood: creative

Words are right there waiting,
Expectant and resigned,
Knowing I'll rise to the baiting,
Blind leading the blind.

I've only to reach out a hand,
And take hold of my fickle Muse
Give her my orders, commands,
To finally pay forward her dues.

She may decide not to obey me,
She may deign to flitter away,
With her there is never a guarantee,
If she'll be here tomorrow or today.

So, I continue to patiently sit,
Waiting for her to appear.
Miraculously, as luck would have it
Today she's a willing volunteer.

Current Mood: thoughtful

Holy cripes, have I really not updated since the beginning of Nanowrimo? Bad writer is bad.

To give you the nutshell: I finished my Nano for 2009. It was the crowning achievement of that year. I don't think I could have ended it on a much higher note. The sense of elation was overwhelming... and makes me eager to try again.

I'm still polishing my draft to submit to Create Space to get my free proof-printing. Lord knows what I was thinking in Chapter Four. I swear I was drunk.

If you need to refresh yourself on my novel, please feel free to do so and let me know what you think!

April is National Poetry Writing Month.

Naturally, this means I'm gearing up for another 30 days of mayhem considering I haven't written poetry since my high school days... if not farther back than that.

So, feel free to settle back and enjoy the ride as I struggle to get poetry to somehow leak out my ears.

Current Mood: contemplative

Gah! I'll get Days 6-10 posted soon. Days 6-9 are actually a sort of digest version of my weekend, since it all tied together. >.> Not much has been going on besides me working really hard to get my word count goals every day. One of these days I'll have some extra creative energy to actually do something worthwhile in my journal.

Current Location: work
Current Mood: busy

So yesterday was Day 5 of Nanowrimo. For those of you who aren't familiar with this most auspicious month of the year, visit: http://www.nanowrimo.org

Day 5 was the first day I didn't make the word count goal. Some small part of me died a little, because I'd been doing so well. I'm getting to the part of Chapter One of JOE (Journey of Excalibur, my novel) that I've been dreading since I started. I keep putting it off because, quite simply, I don't know how to go about it.

I'm hoping my trip out to the Texas Renaissance Festival tomorrow will help. I plan on going to the blacksmithing exhibitions and asking some questions (if permitted), maybe taking some reference photography, and just getting a general feel for the process of forging. But that's tomorrow, this blog is actually supposed to be about yesterday.

Yesterday, generally speaking, didn't seem to be a great day for writing. Work kept me pretty busy, so I didn't have any spare minutes I could squeak away to add a sentence or two to JOE like I'd want. When I got home, I just felt... blase' about it. I procrastinated, I played Aion, I watched movies with my husband. And I missed my word count goal by 504 words.

I was disappointed in myself. JOE has always given me difficulty when I've sat down to work on it. JOE and I struggle with each other all the time. Part of me wonders if JOE is ready to be written yet. Then I remember the writings of Jeff Heron in "The Writer's Idea Book" where he talks about the Victim, the Judge, the Editor... all those sub-personalities of a writer that keep us from writing. I cannot be defeated by JOE.

Word count today or BUST!

Current Location: work
Current Mood: determined

Today has been rough, I haven't hardly had any time to add to my novel. People keep coming by my desk, I have to work through my lunch... The stars just aren't aligned today for me to get anything done. I'm also finding that I don't have as much encouragement as my creative soul wants. Only three people really give a flying flip about my novel, or the fact that this is the first time I've seriously sat down to write since Professor King destroyed my writer's spirit back in 1998. Or that this is the first time I've competed in the Nano and gotten past 3000 words.

I feel like no one cares.

In truth, my Journey of Excalibur (JOE) novel has been rattling around in my head for two or three years now, but starting it has always been the most difficult part. The first chapter deals with Excalibur's forging, which I feel should be a more significant process than "POOF! There is a sword!" I also feel that Excalibur is the sword that designates the Once and Future King; shouldn't it also make an impact on the lives of those it comes in contact with on its journey to Arthur?

I feel I have an epic tale in the making, if I can just get it out of my head. The research is killing me, though. I nearly quit my novel tonight, because I couldn't find a floor plan or any details on exactly WHAT goes into a forge room. I googled and googled and googled again, but the results that came up just weren't what I was looking for. I was ready to throw in the towel. Again, as with many times in the past, JOE was proving to be too big for me to handle.

Yet, my husband, blessed soul that he is and the one REAL supporter I have in all this, pulled me away from the computer, sat me down to a hot dinner, then curled upon the couch with me to watch a movie. JOE was forgotten for a few hours and I was able to get to sleep without pulling my hair out.

Nearly defeated, but saved in the nick of time. I will not be defeated by JOE. Tomorrow is coming and there's a word count to be had.

Current Location: work
Current Mood: determined

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Writerholic's Anonymous

I write, therefore, I am.

Recent Entries

Napowrimo '10: Failed?

Napowrimo '10: Day 7 :: Seasons

Napowrimo '10: A Cinquain :: Book

World of Warcraft: RP Fiction: Only Memory Remains Ch 11

The Sestina: A Mini-Workshop

Napowrimo '10: Day 5 :: Ghost in the Hall

Napowrimo '10: Sestina Challenge :: War of the Soul

Napowrimo '10: Day Two :: Caged

Napowrimo '10: napowrimo prompt :: Beginnings

Napowrimo '10: 1 of 30 :: Encompass

Napowrimo '10 Warm-up: Hurt

Napowrimo '10 Warm-up: A Walk Along The Riverbank

Napowrimo '10 Warm-up: Proverbial Wisdom

Napowrimo '10 Warm-Up: Homeless

Napowrimo '10 Warm-Up: Eternal Mask

Napowrimo '10 Test Drive: The Volunteer

Napowrimo '10 -- Pre-Launch

Nanowrimo '09: Day 11

Nanowrimo '09: Day 5

Nanowrimo '09: Day 4